There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
