I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
