i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
