i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
