I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
