she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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