"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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