Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
