so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
