im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
