I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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