i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
