yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
