I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
