after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
