Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
