i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
