So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
