i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just forgot I was standing up.
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