she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
