the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
