Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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