I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
