I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
