Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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