1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
