I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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