Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
