Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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