i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
