WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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