were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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