eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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