respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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