I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one might say we're banned from that church
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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