Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vagina is talking i cant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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