Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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