i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
