i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
