And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
