where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
