I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
