Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
