Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
