just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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