Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
