i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
