You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
