So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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