Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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