Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I color on your dick again?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
