Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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