Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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