nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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