I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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