Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
