I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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