she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
