I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
