I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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