I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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