it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
