I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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