Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
