You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
