I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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