You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
