I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
