Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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