Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
