I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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