No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
