i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize