he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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