that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
