we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
