My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
