I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
