You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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