it was like eating out sand paper
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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