Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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