Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
