it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
