How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
