you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
